Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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