You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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