yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She told me I should be a condom model.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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