stop calling my apartment porn island.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
