he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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