He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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