Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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