Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
