i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
