literally had 100 drinks last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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