i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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