I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
