Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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