The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
