i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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