I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
