The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
