Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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