we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
