i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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