Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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