RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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