You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
