I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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