And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
