I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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