I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
