After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
