I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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