There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize