If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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