i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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