I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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