so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
two words...techno handjob
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
