Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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