its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Shame - the story of my life.
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