Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
