Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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