I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
