you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
