I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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