The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
