in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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