Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
