i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
