I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
