Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
