It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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