We're facebook friends in real life
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
