do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
