We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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