Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
