There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
