Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
