You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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