you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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