i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
