I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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