Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
